Delicious Monster (and while Latin still means something these days: Monstera deliciosa). This plant came on quite a voyage from its original home but now that it's here, it has gloriously adapted to our winter rainfall summer drought conditions. Plus every granny has it in her home.
They flower freely without any help from you, hexagonal imprints of the central spadix emboss onto the surrounding cream spathe, so subtle and so fucking pretty.
That central spadix is the set of flowers that become green and will eventually ripen to be the deliciousness of the monster. So delicious. Like a pineapple papaya banana granadilla honey fruit.
They stay on the plant for a long time, sometimes years. The plant above has had the same fruit in the same places for at least two. You know they're ready for harvest when they snap off easily. Set them aside for a week where you'll walk by them and not leave them to the fruit flies and ants that will get there before you.
The scales will begin to pop and lift and the fragrance of the edible flesh will sneak out from underneath.
If the scales don't come off, don't force them, it's a sign that they will send calcium oxalates into your mouth and irritate you, especially if you're allergic. Try a little bit and see, no ones holding your hand, especially in the Apocalypse. Adding salt and rinsing it off or an acid like lime or lemon juice helps to purge it a bit.
To properly rid the oxalates, fermenting them into soda or preserve will help and it makes a very interesting food.
The roots are strong and can be woven into ropes, or into some bad ass bag handles.
Remove the fruit kernels like corn off a cob. Fill up your jar or vessel with the fruit to a third of the volume. Add enough honey to sweeten so its just sweeter than you like. Top up with water from the mountain and let ferment covered with a cloth for a few days. Strain and bottle or jar tightly and keep cool.
A recipe ode to Eating Monsters
Salty sweet is comparable to a tongue wank, amirighhhhtttt?!
- Delicious Monster fruit
- 4% salt (basically, enough salt so you taste the salt, more salt than you would use to enhance the flavour
- Spring water
- Throw it all in a jar and fill up the water til it just about spills over. Close it up and leave on the shelf fermenting for a few weeks, 2 or 3 or 4. Taste and eat as is use to top a salad.